i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
