The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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