remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
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