Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
We need to get me chipped asap
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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