my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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