My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
