I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize