You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
