There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
