Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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