And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
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