I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
