Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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