if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I just blew my weed a kiss
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
