before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Randomize