Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
