I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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