So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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