Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
