i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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