I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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