Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Randomize
