Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
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