Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
