so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
