so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Randomize
