I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
