But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
We are all done wearing pants today
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
