I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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