i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
