I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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