Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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