we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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