I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
