You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like having sex with a tree stump
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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