I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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