I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
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