Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
