I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
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You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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