i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
