If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
