Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
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New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
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On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
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