Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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