Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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