She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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