I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
