Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
