i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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