I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
