Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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