I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
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But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
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Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
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