when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
