A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
