girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Randomize
