i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
