Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
