You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Randomize
