Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
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