I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
