Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
