Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Randomize
