wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
