My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
